(Authors note: A special thank you goes out to Dr. Mike Roussell for contributing key information to this post.)
Hey Shank,
You are rude, crude and obnoxious…
And that is everything I love about you!
Signed,
JZ
(How cool would that be! A celebrity endorsement! Too bad the odds are against this being the famous rap star. Heck the name isn’t even spelled correctly.)
Dear JZ,
Hope all is well with you. I am sure a life of living large and fly bitches keeps a man busy so the fact you take the time to read my blog is a real honor.
Then again you are much older now and married so maybe you just check me out while drinking your nightly glass of Metamucil:
(The years can certainly harden you. Especially your colon. Metamucil is Team Clear Path Approved!)
Either way I love the fact that somebody appreciates my special gifts! But when it comes to being rude, crude and obnoxious I will always defer to my favorite Comedian, the master, Lewis Black:
(Some might argue that there is nothing rude, crude or obnoxious about Lewis Black. They might just think of him as brilliantly funny. I would have to agree, I am just afraid that one day he is going to stroke out on stage.)
On the food chain of hysterical laughter I look to Lewis Black like Booger looked to Snotty in Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise:
(I realize this is the wrong movie but after the first one the series went down hill really fast.)
Anyway, the other day I was watching one of my favorite Lewis Black sets. He was talking about how we don’t know the first thing about health despite the fact that we are completely obsessed with it.
I have to agree:
(The health and weight loss industry consumes $60 Billion Dollars a year of our hard earned money. Despite all that cash the whole thing boils down to the decision she is going to make right here, right now. That choice my friends, doesn’t cost a thing.)
He (Lewis Black) said the following:
“For all we study about health we know nothing. Is milk good or bad?”
(Authors note: A dead silence overtook the audience.)
“I rest my case”.
To Lewis Black’s point, with all the insane information out there most people are paralyzed by what should be a pretty simple question. God help you if you try to figure the answer out for yourself with a google search. You will find so many 10,000 word articles on the subject that if you made the dumb move to try and read any of them the amount of conflicting information would swell your head up like that dude in Big Trouble in Little China after Kurt Russell killed David Lo Pan:
(John Carpenter is a friggin genius.)
(Since Big Trouble in Little China ranks right up there with Roadhouse in terms of movie awesomeness we will take the time to post a second photo. This is my blog and I will do with it what I want. If that means gratuitous shots of Jack Burton than so be it.)
Now because one of our primary mission statements at Clear Path to Fitness is to simplify I will do so right now.
To Lewis Black, JZ, Kurt Russell and the esteemed readers of this blog here is the answer:
Yes, Milk is good for you and here is why.
1. Milk is NOT a grain based desert:
(Apparently Reggie does not like sharing his cake with others)
2. Milk is NOT a yeast bread:
(Yes little boy…sniff it. Sniff it deeply. You may be thin now but if you shove enough of this down your throat one day you too can be fat too.)
3. Milk is NOT fried chicken or fried chicken parts:
(Hey he might be fat with really sloppy facial hair but you have to admire his sense of humor.)
4. Milk is NOT soda:
(A client of mine once took his eight year old son to Disney Land. Ironically enough while at the Small World exhibit the kid made a very astute observation, “Daddy, how come fat people are always drinking soda?”. You know what they say about what comes out of the mouths of babes.)
5. Milk is NOT triple cheese, pepperoni, sausage and bacon pizza:
(Fighting the forces of capitalist pig oppression is hard work. So is making movies about the failing American health care system. What that has to do with being an obese multi, multi, multi millionaire…I have no idea.)
Milk is nothing more and nothing less than a source of protein. It can be low fat or high Fat. Which you choose is entirely dependent upon your goals and how your body processes calories.
I have looked at the diets of thousands of overweight people and I have never once met somebody who got “Jacked Up” on milk. However I have seen people who got “Jacked Up” on Pizza, soda, fried chicken, loads of highly processed carbs, cookies, cakes and pies. I hope you understand that point.
The only downside I can say about milk is that it sends some people (myself included) to the toilet:
(This is what happens to Shank if he eats ice cream. If you don’t believe me then just ask Dr. Jerry Novack.)
Even then this is not such a big deal is you have:
1. Lots of free time.
2. Lots of reading material.
3. A really good wireless router.
Since I don’t have much free time these days I tend not to drink a lot of milk although I will eat ice cream once per week. To not do so would be Un-American. My only precaution is I make sure I am not out on the town when I get all dairy’d up:
(Spruce Street in Trenton is in da House! But seriously, I love their ice cream because everybody knows the best vanilla cookie dough is made right outside the ghetto. Manufactured in Lawrenceville my ass.)
The bottom line is despite all the flatulence milk doesn’t even come close to making people fat. Cakes, cookies, pies, pizza, soda, fried chicken and highly processed bread are a different story.
But then again what the hell do I know.
Till next time,
Yours in chocolate chip cookies (I just don’t dip them)
Mike Cruickshank
(Somewhere in downtown Princeton I once played an integral part in the above miracle of nature after an ill advised attempt to “beat” lactose intolerance. But that is a different story for a future blog.)
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