Hey Shank!
How do I pick the right personal trainer? I have read a bunch of articles on the subject and they all seem to suck something terrible.
Help! I need change! I can’t keep Sweating to the Oldies for the rest of my life! It has gotten so boring I am starting to pull the hairs out of my Afro just so I know what it is like to feel again.
Signed Your Pal,
Richard Simmons
(God Bless www.freakingnews.com since this is way funnier than anything I could come up with.)
Hey Richard,
Great to hear from you and boy are you looking fantastic these days. I am sorry to hear about your struggles.
I know what you are talking about when it comes to this whole picking a personal trainer thing. It seems like every time somebody writes an article on the subject the entire content revolves around why you should work with somebody like them. Then they go on to discredit anybody else who is different. Typically the whole thing revolves around these “Usual Suspects”:
(What an awesome movie.)
First you have the skinny/fat personal trainer that doesn’t even workout who tries to convince you to train with the person who has the biggest vocabulary and the most letters after their name:
(These are the guys who are always taking pictures of all the books they have read and tell you “It’s as much about business as it is about exercise”.)
Then you have the meathead who will try and convince you that if a person isn’t ready for the cover of Muscle and Fitness then they must not know what they are doing:
(Do you think he ever looks into the mirror and says “My God, what have I done to myself?”.)
Next is the way too skinny for her own good “I have the bone density of a cabinet of fine china” trainer who while between periods of eating nothing and planning her next macrobiotic buffet will try and convince you that lifting anything over three pound dumbbells will turn you into a man…testicles and all:
(Yeah really girls, you look great. Keep up all the hard work. From what I hear the look like a twelve year old boy thing is really back in style these days.)
Lastly you have horse faced psycho “train till you puke or you ain’t doing nothing” trainer. Because you know that working out until you pass out is really sustainable over the long haul:
(I hate you.)
The bottom line is all these people are insane. Trying to convince any of them otherwise would be as fruitful as trying to convince someone addicted to porn that they “might have a problem”:
(Porn addiction does not discriminate.)
If you really want to find the “right” trainer my advice is to do one of two things. If you are already in shape keep up your current routine while you get a lay of the land so to speak and have a chance to see all of the trainers at your gym while they are in action. Then it is really up to you to pick the one you like best based on their personality, style and training philosophy.
(Dumb ass.)
If you are not in shape and are new to the gym my advice would be to stick to a basic machine circuit for about a month while you get a chance to become more comfortable with the facility and slowly break into the habit of becoming an “exerciser for life”. The biggest problem with most beginners in my experience is that they try to do too much too soon and either injure themselves or burn out. Taking your time in the beginning will also give you a chance to see the trainers available in action so that you can pick the one that is right for you. Given the fact that when it comes to general fitness all systems of exercise essentially “work” if you stick with them consistently over the long haul, picking the right trainer in this case almost always comes down to whether your personalities mesh or not.
If you are looking to work out at home then ask around as the fact is that clients who are happy with their trainer will stop at nothing to brag to you about how awesome they are:
(Shouting: I used to be fat and bald but now…well I am still bald but at least I am skinny and it is all due to Mike Cruickshank! Just don’t try and book him on Tuesday at 9 a.m.)
I hope that helps. But then again what the hell do I know.
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,
Mike Cruickshank
(The world of bodybuilding, health and fitness is very strange and very scary. My advice would be to go slowly and tread carefully before you jump in.)
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