(Authors Note: Just so everybody understands the players involved I have decided to start this blog post off with a little Photo Montage.)
(This is a dirtbag Rangers Fan. He is showing his disapproval of a Devil’s goal. I don’t like it when the Devils score either so I can understand where he is coming from, but that is irrelevant to our discussion here.)
(This is a Dirtbag Flyers Fan. I am not exactly sure if women can technically be Dirtbags but one thing I am sure of is that this chick really doesn’t like Sidney Crosby. Neither do I so I understand where she is coming from, but that is also irrelevant to our discussion here.)
(And last but not least this is a guy who talks out both sides of his ass. This is NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. He is pretty much irrelevant to any discussion particularly those involving the responsible management of illegal blows to the head. )
Hey Dirtbag Flyers Fan (a.k.a. my cousin Mike Cruickshank)
I have this problem with my shoulder. About a year ago I injured it playing a game in my recreational hockey league. No big deal because a couple weeks later the pain went away.
Problem is the other day I was sitting in my living room cheering like a lunatic while my Rangers were beating your Flyers for like the tenth time this year and I heard something in my shoulder “pop”. Now I can’t raise my arm over my head.
(Sorry. That is the Dirtbag Flyers Fan coming out of me. I apologize. Please continue.)
I was thinking of getting some exercise bands and an internet connection and trying to figure the problem out for myself.
You have any advice?
Signed
A Dirtbag Rangers Fan (a.k.a. your cousin Joe)
(As a Flyers Fan when I look at our dismal record against the Rangers this year I try to be positive and say “Hey, we’re due.”.
Dearest Joe,
Great to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the shoulder though. Here is my advice on your injury based on more than 15 years experience as a trainer:
You need to listen to Charlie Weingroff. That means you call up Ray Guy and punt the damn football:
(This is Ray Guy. He is the greatest punter in the history of the NFL. If you want to argue with me on that then fine, just understand that you are wrong. They invented the concept of hang time because of him. He never had a punt returned for a touchdown.)
(This is Charlie Weingroff. He is O.K. Actually he is more than O.K. He is a really good Physical Therapist and has squatted more than 800lbs. I admire him most for his love of Star Wars. Now the whole “Fan of the Green Lantern” thing I don’t get but when he talks shop I definitely listen.)
(I mean seriously Charlie, how could anybody root for a superhero who would lose to this guy in a fight?)
Odd “Superhero’s who are worthless against the color yellow” asides not withstanding the point to be made here is the worst thing you can do when it comes to sports/exercise related injuries is try to “fix” the issue yourself. A close second on the scale of dumb decisions when it comes to injuries is to take the advice of a professional who is not qualified to do so either (i.e. a personal trainer).
Think of this a lot like people who try to do their own electrical work. Often times instead of fixing the problem they usually wind up with two opposite outcomes:
1. They turn a $200 problem into a $2000 dollar problem.
2. They wind up electrocuting themselves.
(And here I thought that “Dancing with Myself” would only result hairy palms and blindness. But in all seriousness kids, listen to Billy Idol and don’t play with Electricity.)
When Charlie Weingroff says to “Punt the ball” what he means is you need to match the right professional with the right need. Personal trainers don’t do pain and they certainly don’t do injuries, regardless of what some of them might tell you. Likewise I don’t know too many Doctors who do sports and exercise very well either so Charlie’s point is very well taken:
(There is this very odd trend these days where all the Doctors want to be Trainers and all the Trainers want to be Doctors. The reality is neither one of them does the others job very well. Also, I wish somebody would tell this guy he is in a television studio and not an operating room. Seriously Dude, ditch the scrubs.)
And don’t get me started on the inaccuracies of the Internet for crying out loud.
(Talking about guys named Charlie, according to the Internet he should be the next President of the United States. Like I have said in the past, the Internet is not always a good source of information. The obvious exception being www.clearpathtofitness.com)
So my advice to you my favorite Dirtbag Rangers Fan is to ask around for a good Physical Therapist, Sports Medicine Doctor, Physiatrist or Soft Tissue Expert and get this problem fixed right the first time. If nobody in your immediate circle of friends, family or teammates can recommend anybody then come back to me and I will see what I can do. Just know that a good Medical Professional is worth their weight in gold. Usually the patients of good ones can’t shut up about how awesome they are so finding one shouldn’t be as big of a deal as it might seem.
But then again what the hell do I know.
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,
Mike Cruickshank
(Since we started this post with a Hockey Montage I figured we should end it with one too. This is top NHL Star Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals. He really likes cereal.)
(He also likes sitting awkwardly on the laps of other men.)
(And he bears an uncanny resemblance to Richard Kiel, the actor who played Jaws in the James Bond Movies.)
(Richard Kiel as you may remember also played Mr. Larson in Happy Gilmore. This blog has now gotten completely off topic and completely out of control so goodbye.)
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