Thursday, January 12, 2012

Garlic, Weight Loss and Sandy from Grease


Hey Shank,
My trainer just told me where I can get this supplement that has “natures antibiotic” a.k.a Garlic in it.  He told me not only does garlic have amazing heart health and cancer fighting benefits but it can also make you burn more BELLY FAT!  Just thought I would pass this on.  Can’t wait to see you get all you Clients on this product.  I have enclosed the add and my trainers special discount code.
Signed,
Don Quixote “Dreamer of the Impossible Dream”

Dear Don,
I must say that I am very happy for both you and your trainer.  Seriously.
I say this because recently I have gotten a couple emails claiming that I am too mean. That I insult the fitness public and it’s “professionals” with my mostly negative ranting and raving about how silly, stupid and terrible everything is when it comes to the modern weight loss industry.
The way these people carried on you would think I was a male version of the Fitness Dominatrix that Crunch Gyms rolled out several years ago:
(Now drop and give me twenty pushups worm!  You know after staring at this photo for ten minutes I finally realized how crappy the guy in the red shirt’s form is.)
The reality is I am a really nice guy.  At least that’s what my dogs tell me every time they look up at me like I am some beefy version of God:
(I love you too Franklin and Lily.  Authors note:  This is not a photo of Frankie after he killed Lily.  She is just pooped from too much play.)
The problem really isn’t me, no, it’s all this nonsense out there which is nothing more than a sales pitch disguised as good science.  Two things for the record:
1.  I took a look at the supplement ad you sent me and I can tell you that with good probability your trainer is getting a cut of the action hence his special “discount code”.  I have familiarity with the company and the fact he is touting a specific product from them represents one giant conflict of interest.
2.  You will not prevent cancer, you will not prevent heart disease and you will not lose BELLY FAT by supplementing your diet with Garlic or any supplement that has Garlic in it unless you combine all that pill popping with a calorie controlled and nutrient rich diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, low fat grains, lean proteins and everything else your freaking Mom has been telling you to eat since you were a kid.  As a side note if you did the above you could fight cancer, fight heart disease and lose total body fat and never have to touch a garlic supplement for the rest of your life.
(One…Two…Three…Four hundred pounds I shall gain because I cannot supplement my diet with Garlic!)
Hey, is garlic good for you?  Of course it is if you use it as part of a healthy meal like the recipe listed below.  But that is about all Garlic is going to do for you.  It’s going to make healthy foods taste a little better, add a little nutritional punch to your meals and make your breath stink.  But that is about it.  Despite it’s ability to bitch slap a Vampire or two even Garlic has it’s limits.
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,
Mike Cruickshank
(I know, I know.  She’s hot as hell.  Trust me I get it.  I saw the movie too and she had the look with the hair and those freaking pants.  Even way back in 1980 when I first saw this scene she made me thank God I was a man and I was only five years old at the time.  Problem is she could eat a Garlic Bulb the size of Greased Lighting and if she sucks back enough of those bad boys even a hickey from Kenickie isn’t going to save her. )
Healthy Garlic Recipe:
I got this one from www.allrecipes.com   It is a great one that is easy to make:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easy-garlic-and-rosemary-chicken/

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