(Authors Note: A special thank you goes out to Mr. Jim Wendler and a client of mine who due to his status as a respected business professional shall probably wish to remain nameless, both of whom helped inspire the creative content of this post.)
Hey Shank,
The other day I bumped into a guy wearing this T-Shirt:
He was pretty much built like crap so I really didn’t listen to what he said. It’s just he kept repeating over and over again about how his company had amongst many supplements, one that “blocked the carbs”.
He said the products are legit as they are endorsed by Super Bowl Champions Drew Brees and Trent Dilfer. What I want to know is if its true. Is it possible to take something that will allow you to block the carbs and fat from your diet?
Sincerely,
Fat Guy Who Wants an Excuse to Eat Pizza All Day
Dear Fat Pizza Guy,
Thanks for your question. First off let me say that I am blown away by the celebrity endorsement. I mean Drew Brees and Trent Dilfer! It doesn’t get any better than that.
On the one hand you have Drew Brees, a man who will probably go down in history as one of the greatest athletes to ever play the position of Quarter Back in the NFL:
(I wonder if that company makes hair restoration products too? Strangely enough I thought it was the TRX that made Drew Brees great but now it seems he also has to take a bunch of pills. Sheesh! What is next? Decades of hard work and incredible genetics?)
And on the other hand you have Trent Dilfer, Washed Up Meathead turned Television Announcer:
(Guess he could use those hair products too. On a personal note I would just like to say that I have every right to called Trent Dilfer a Washed Up Meathead because I am one myself. It seems there is this rule that if you are part of a specific group you are pretty much allowed to say whatever you want about that group, regardless of how ignorant or untrue it might be. I don’t know why this is o.k. I just know it is).
Now getting back to your question the answer is a resounding NO! There is no product out there that will allow you to “Block the Carbs” or “Block the Fat” from your diet.
How am I so sure?
Because I have experience with the products myself. Let me explain.
Years ago I knew this guy who got involved in one of those Multi Level Marketing Businesses. You know the ones where people sell products but also make a percentage of the profits from people they refer into the company while in the meantime pretty much irritating and alienating everyone of their friends and family who don’t want to hear about the persons new get rich quick scheme?
(Big Money! Big Money! Big, Big Easy Money!)
Well this dude had jumped in with both feet because he was one day “Going to have it made!”. His two main products were Bulk Volume Industrial Grade Toilet Paper and Supplements, amongst them you guessed it “Carb Blockers”.
The word on the street was that you could eat bowl after bowl of pasta and not gain weight because this revolutionary product would not allow you to absorb the carbohydrates as they would simply just pass through your system:
(I guess when they say “pass through” that means taking a giant dump. Hence the industrial strength bulk volume toilet paper. Genius actually, the two go together like Spaghetti and Meatballs.)
Intrigued by this possibility of a “Free Lunch” I bought the pills, took them and then went home and like any Fat Guy who was looking for something for nothing I immediately ate half a Pizza. The next day when I woke up, I went to the bathroom and saw this floating in the toilet:
(Oh My God it Worked! It Blocked the Carbs! Well not exactly. That was half a Pepperoni Pizza. But still that isn’t so bad. I mean nobody is perfect.)
The bottom line, and this is not to insult your intelligence, the above photo is fake. I have to say this because you know there are people out there who have way more money than they have common sense and are desperate enough to actually think substances like these actually work.
For the record I never pooped out an entire slice of pizza and neither will you. Just like you will never be able to take a pill that by “blocking the carbs” and “blocking the fat” will let you eat endless amounts of pasta, pizza and candy and never gain weight.
Hope that helps. I also hope the honesty wasn’t too much.
Till next time,
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,
Mike Cruickshank
(When I said last time that I loved Road House I wasn’t kidding. In all seriousness I wish for just one day I could kick ass like Swayze. My problem is I am really good at getting mad, I am just not good at getting violent. If I was you can be sure that I would be roundhouse kicking my way through the lies and filth that is the modern supplement industry. Until then I am stuck writing about it.)
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