What I Ate Today: Learning from a Pervert

Hey Gang,

So I have this friend, let’s just call him James.

James is a pervert.

Which is fine mind you. Granted he likes to spend way too much of his free time in Women’s shoe stores:

(That one’s for you James!)

But at least he is up front and open about who he really is. It’s not like he goes around pointing the finger at others and judging their moral values while the same time living a life of degradation and deceit on the side:

(Sinner.)

Anyway, keeping with Shank Principle #7 which says you can learn something from anybody, Mr. Pervert played the part of teacher today. In what should have been just another one of his testosterone charged emails, we have been provided with a picture that is of incredible value for anybody interested in improving their physical function in daily life:

(To all you parents out there you can stop holding your breath. ”James” is not an actual school teacher. He actually works as a supervisor in a factory that makes paint buckets. Which is just about right for him…and the safety of the public in general.)

What I want you to do is take just a second and really look at the picture above. Now once all the straight Men and Lesbians stop drooling and all the Straight Women stop thinking about how much they hate this girl I want you to notice the incredible development she has in her Gluteal Muscles, especially relative to her leg size.

(Gratuitous photo in an effort to balance out the eye candy. Why he has patches on his butt cheeks I have no idea.)

What I would like you to take from this is that everyday we have people come into the gym who are disatisfied about their ability to do a wide variety of physical tasks ranging from:

1. Being unable to get up and down stairs or up and down out of chairs.

2. Being unable to move with great quickness and power during a variety of sporting activities like Softball, Tennis, Basketball etc.

3. Being unable to move around all day without back pain.

4. Being unable to fill out a pair of jeans (at least in the right way)

(While I think the motivational message attached is a bit extreme when it comes to your consumption of Oreos, you really can’t beat the visual.)

The one most common denominator when it comes to almost all of these issues (granted it is not exclusively to blame) is that all these people have a butt that looks something like this:

(Pan Butt is not a victimless crime. It has been ruining Marriages, Self Esteem and Tennis Games for many years now.)

Over the next few blog posts I will start addressing some of the ways that regular people can improve their glute function.

I won’t be able to get to it till probably later on in the week since hopefully I will be busy watching this guy cry like a baby on Wednesday night:

(With all due respect Sidney Crosby is the most skilled player in hockey today. But the way he is acting is ridiculous and deserves all the criticism he is getting right now. Cheap shots and slapping away guys gloves are beneath him and his place in hockey history.)