(Authors Note: A special thank you goes out to the good folks over at www.listverse.com They run an outstanding website and were a big part of the inspiration for this post.)
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it".
Tommy Lee Jones as the character Agent Kay from "Men in Black".
(One cool dude!)
Hey Shank,
I'm sad because I'm fat and I am fat because I am sad. I know that is something Fat Bastard would say but it's true. Despite popular belief there is nothing jolly about being so big you are known around the neighborhood as Jared's before picture.
All my friends are fat. My Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Uncle and even our Dog Spanky are all huge. We are so sloppy that during the Summer all we can do is sit around and sweat, in an air conditioned room!
I no longer want to live in this cage. I want to be a good person. I want to be happy. I need to be thin.
If you could give me one piece of advice on how to drop a couple pant sizes what would it be? I am just an average guy and have never been really good at losing weight.
Also, I really love Pancakes.
Signed,
Chubnuts
(I love Pancakes too. But what is up with all that Fruit crap in the background?)
Dear Chubnuts,
I am sorry to hear you feel so down. You really shouldn't be beating yourself up over your weight. Even more so you shouldn't think that just because somebody is thin that means they are a good person and/or they are happy.
In fact such a mindset is one of the most common flaws in human thought, right up there with gamblers thinking they "are due":
(Probably the only guy in history who every made a profit off being a "Gambler". Too bad he took the money and used it to transform himself from a bad ass into a Crotchless Ken Doll. I guess that in the end nobody really ever wins at Gambling.)
The idea of transferring either positive or negative qualities to a specific trait somebody possesses is known in Psychology circles as "The Halo Effect". Strangely enough when it comes to those who are attractive, people tend to believe that such a person on average is happier, more successful and much more intelligent for no other reason than how they look.
(Gorgeous, isn't she. Her name is Ruslana Korshunova. What incredible Green eyes. She was one of the hottest up and coming models in the industry until about four years ago. That was when she threw herself out a window, crushing her skull. She died instantly. Never underestimate the power of depression, it doesn't care how good looking somebody is.)
If I were to give you one piece of advice on how to lose weight, after you drop your preconceived notions on what looking good will actually do for you, I would tell you to go to your local library and take out anything by William Somerset Maugham.
(Decent movie but like most films it is way too shallow for you to appreciate the beauty of this book. Definitely worth the three or four hours of your life you will spend reading it.)
In my experience there has never been an author who did a better job capturing the essence of what it really means to be a human being like Somerset Maugham. Another classic of his was "Of Human Bondage" and no, it is not a book about Leather Daddies:
(I have no idea what to say about this.)
But the one I want you to really focus on is actually a short essay titled The Lotus Eaters. Here is a link:
http://maugham.classicauthors.net/lotuseater/
I want you to pay particular attention to the first part:
"Most people, the vast majority in fact, lead the lives that circumstances have thrust upon them, and though some repine, looking upon themselves as round pegs in square holes, and think that if things had been different they might have made a much better showing, the greater part accept their lot, if not with serenity, at all events with resignation. They are like train cars traveling forever on the self same rails. They go backwards and forwards , backwards and forwards, inevitably, till they can go no longer and then are sold as scrap-iron. It is not often that you find a man who has boldly taken the course of his life into his own hands. When you do, it worth while having a good look at him".
(I realize the above quote sounds awfully Ayn Randish but please don't throw the baby out with the bath water. I was never a fan of "The Hero of Fox News" since I could never get over the fact that for all her blustering she was just as screwed up as the rest of us. This was most evidenced by her inability to quit smoking and that whole "fire in the mind thing" that went along with it. Listen, I love smokers as I always identify with the persecuted but then again most smokers I know don't go around lecturing everybody else about self control.)
Essentially what I want you to take out of this is that just like the Tommy Lee Jones quote above, some persons are capable of great change, but most people are not. What this means for average guys like you is that unless the government was to enact some pretty draconian measures like banning fast food, wiping out poverty and instilling mandatory physical activity, this obesity epidemic most likely is not going away any time soon.
If you are going to overcome your current reality of being overweight you are going to need to change what you perceive as the status quo. You can start by walking that overweight dog of yours:
(She is lean and fit because her Mommy and Daddy exercise her daily and don't feed her table scraps. Sadly it is just now that I realize how strange it is that we refer to ourselves as her Mommy and Daddy. One thing is for sure it is going to be tough day when we have tell her that she is adopted.)
Show me an overweight dog and I can most of the time show you an overweight owner too. Your pudgy pooch is just one piece of overwhelming evidence that you will never be lean using the lifestyle and mindset that got you were you are now. Being overweight permeates every aspect of your being, i is not just limited to your canines.
Does this mean I am suggesting you disown all your friends and family? No but what it does mean is that because you are trying to be a lean person in a otherwise fat world you will need to start building some pretty strong support structures in order to survive. You need to start engaging with people that are more congruent with your new life and start thinking about dropping ones that feed the old.
A perfect example of this is a networking group I spoke to this past week in which there were fifteen people attending. Fifteen people may seem o.k., you certainly have to admire them for putting themselves out there and trying to build their businesses. But given the current state of the economy and all the people out there bitching they don't have enough you would have thought such a resource would have had ten times that amount of people attending:
(Funny but I don't remember seeing him at the meeting. Granted he would have to shave, comb his hair and take a bath first.)
Essentially what this comes down to, and Maugham was way ahead of the curve on this one, is that most people stink at change. The have unlimited potential for making their lives better but that unlimited potential along with a couple bucks won't even get you a cup of coffee.
I know it is fashionable these days to say your blog has gone on to long but in this case it is both original and true. So Mr. Chubnuts, let me sum up with these three things since three things is what I do:
1. Spanky (your dog) needs to go for a long walk everyday. Your need to stop feeding him between meals and you need to control the amount of food when he does eat.
2. Go back and reread #1 and then apply all of that to yourself.
3. Since you are an average guy and average guys straight out stink at going it alone you need to start building up some support structures to keep yourself accountable and help push you along. That means joining a friendly gym, getting a trainer, finding a support group or basically just doing some flipping thing that is different from what you do now. Just admitting that you are not built to go this thing alone is the first step in the right direction.
Hope that helps but then again what the hell do I know.
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies (although I do occasionally like having pancakes too),
Mike Cruickshank
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