(Baby, the other other white meat.)
Dear Shank,
My Frau and I are currently trying to conceive a child. I want to be in the best possible shape for the arrival of our little Wiener Schnitzel.
What do you think about Intermittent Fasting? Will it help me achieve the body of an Ubermensch?
Signed,
The German Baby Maker a.k.a Seth Nietzsche
(As a living legend with eleven kids and an eight pack you might reckon that he would be the person best qualified to answer this question. Inquiries on personal finance, not so much.)
My Dear Teutonic Stallion,
Thanks for your question and best of luck with your family.
My opinion on Intermittent Fasting, much like the details of Dr. Evils life, are quite inconsequential:
(Dr. Evil. He didn’t go to six years of Evil Medical School to be called Mister.)
But if you pushed me I would have to say that Intermittent Fasting is a load of crap. But not just any crap. It is a special type of crap, like the crap of the Dung Beetle who actually makes it’s crap by eating the crap of another animal.
That’s pretty bad.
(The Dung Beetle. Whenever things are bad and the deck is stacked up against you just remember it could get much worse. You could be eating poop for dinner.)
I’m sorry if that came across a bit harsh. Let me explain.
For those who don’t know Intermittent Fasting is a pattern of food consumption that alternates between periods of eating and not eating (i.e. fasting and not fasting). There are slight variations depending on whomever wants their pockets filled with your cash but the above definition basically covers the gist of it:
(When it comes to living for Profit, even the Ferengi have nothing on the Fitness Industry.)
It’s not that I have anything against Intermittent Fasting per se. I think all of the Diets proposed by the Fitness and Weight Loss Industry are one giant impotent joke when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off for the rest of your life:
(OK. So maybe after that last comment you could guess that down deep I really do have something against Intermittent Fasting. The reality is in the third grade a kid who intermittently fasted beat me at Pickle Ball. I will never forgive you Danny Ackerman.)
Of course Intermittent Fasting (or IR as those in the know would say) “Works”. Anything “Works” if you are actually paying attention to what you eat because paying attention to what you eat one of the simplest ways to practice calorie control. Calorie Control works, regardless of whatever fancy title you choose to put on it.
In that respect Intermittent Fasting is really no different from any of the fad diets that preceded it, all of which worked at some time for somebody. Let’s name a few:
The Hollywood Diet, The cabbage soup Diet, The Master Cleanse, The South Beach Diet, The Atkins Diet, The Hollywood Cookie Diet, The Apple Cider Vinegar Diet, The Zone Diet, The Grapefruit Diet, The Three Day Diet, The Chicken Soup Diet, The U.S. Ski Team Diet, The Best Life Diet, The Volumetrics Plan, The Egg Diet, The Warrior Diet, The Pritkin Diet, The Caveman Diet, The Blood Type Diet, The Acai Berry Diet, The French Diet, The Food Pyramid Diet, The Amen Diet, The Raw Food Diet, The Blood Sugar Diet, The Blue Zones Diet…
Take a deep breath and:
The Anti-inflammation diet, The Banana Diet, The Belly Fat Diet, The Belly Fat Cure, The Bernstein Diet, The Beverly Hills Diet, The New Beverly Hills Diet, Body For Life, The Body Trim Diet, Sugar Busters, The Cambridge Diet, Grand-pop Valente’s Soup and Doughnuts Diet, The Cinch Diet, The Choose to Lose Diet, The Curves Diet, Eat Your Way to Happiness, The Fruitarian Diet, The Gotti Diet etc. etc. (you could probably name at least one hundred more)
(The Gotti Diet. Named after the son of reputed Mobster John “The Teflon Don” Gotti. Who would have guessed that this is probably the most balanced and well thought out one of the bunch.)
The bottom line with any of these hot new “You can’t live without it” eating plans is unless you have a ripped body hewn from decades of following one (or several) of them you should’t expect much different from the next one that strolls down the block.
It is mainly because of that inconvenient historical fact that my suggestion is you flush Intermittent Fasting down the toilet with the rest of the Doodie that came down the commercial weight loss sewer pipe before it.
(Intermittent Fasting, for most people this is exactly where it belongs)
Try to remember that all Fad Diets have one giant underlying flaw: They tend to address the body metabolically (usually through a lot of impractical junk or “bro” science) and do very little if any serious work on the complex mental, emotional, cultural, societal and biological reasons why we choose the foods we eat.
Unless you are metaphorically brain dead you don’t need to be told for the millionth time that lean proteins, healthy fats, fruits and vegetables tend to be more supportive toward your goals of losing weight more so than the typical fare at McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC and Burger King. Yet every day people who claim they want to lose weight consistently make the wrong choices.
All that Intermittent Fasting and the Fad Diets have to offer you is a distraction. They are simply one more diet which allows you to focus on it instead of having you pay attention to what the real issue is:
Your Behavior and why you make the choices that you do. No “diet” no matter how hot, is going to do that for you.
I hope that helps.
Till next time,
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies (just not as a diet)
Mike Cruickshank
(This is an apple. It is dense in nutrients and low in calories. If you are overweight odds are you don’t eat enough of them.)
(This is a Whopper . Or at least the one on the right is. It is low in nutrients and high in calories. If you are overweight odds are you eat too many of them. )
(Have you ever asked yourself why you chose to eat so many of the foods that move you away from your stated weight loss and health goals? When you can answer that question you will know everything you need to know about losing weight.)
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