Narcissists, The Undertaker and Healthy Super Bowl Food

Hey Shank,

I have a serious problem and thought you might be able to help.   I want to go Undertaker style and choke slam my roommate:

(Authors note:  This is the Undertaker and that is a choke slam.)

It all started a year ago when Frank (my roommate) got a subscription to Men’s Health. Not too long afterwards he started lifting weights, doing intervals and eating incredibly healthy.  All good stuff, right?

But now things have gotten out of control.  First he started shaving off all his body hair. Then he began refusing to drink Bud Light and insists only on Microbrews and ten year old scotch.

(Not an official sponsor of Clear Path to Fitness LLC.)

I thought it couldn’t get any worse but when he started asking me to take black and white photos of him doing his daily activities while he posed dramatically, I almost flipped.

But now I have had enough!  Pretty boy is insisting we have only “healthy dishes” at our Super Bowl Party because he read about it in article.  What gives?  When did the words “Healthy Dish” and “Super Bowl” ever go together in the same sentence?

I read your blog.  I get it.  What I think you would say is instead of worrying about giving a low calorie bitch slap to what should be fantastic celebrations of life like Thanksgiving, The Super Bowl and Fourth of July we should instead focus being healthy  the other 330 days a year that aren’t holidays.

But how can I get Frank to get it?  I tried getting him to read your blog but he said if it isn’t in Men’s Health, listed in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” or covered in “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” then it must be crap.

Any advice?

Signed,

Average Joe

Dear Average,

I feel terrible about quoting such a suck ass movie but you had me at “focus on being healthy the other 330 days of the year”:

(I seriously hate you.)

I would only ask that you take it easy on your roommate.  Understand that we all have our little “idiosyncrasies”.  For example I was once asked by one of my clients if I ever considered doing a bodybuilding contest.  My response was I do a bodybuilding contest everyday when I get out of the shower and pose in the bathroom mirror:

(Now that is a guy who knew how to pose!)

The bottom line is unless your roommate is getting ready to compete in a bodybuilding contest, is under the direction of a Medical Doctor to follow a special diet or is a amateur wrestler cutting weight, I cannot see why he would to do anything other than take this opportunity to enjoy some time with family and friends and take down a slice of pizza or two.  

As far as those oxymoron laced “Eat Healthy During the Super Bowl” articles go just know the reason why magazines put out those pieces of tripe is because they need to fill up space between the advertisements.  They know there will always be some sad sack who thinks the Super Bowl is a good time to start dieting. It’s like Brad Pitt said in Fight Club;  ”Martha’s polishing the brass on the Titantic”.

(His name was Robert Paulson…What an awesome movie!  This photo alone might just balance out the awesome level of fail brought by Mr. “I’ve done the research” above.)

In conclusion I say just leave Frank alone and let him figure this stuff out for himself.  I am sure you tried your best but now is the time to just order a bunch of pizza’s, a couple hundred wings and some good old fashioned beer.

Just remember that life is too short to be eating grilled chicken breast during the half time show.

Till Next Time.

Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,

Mike Cruickshank

(I sincerely hope this picture balances out all those Tofu Buffalo Wings recipes you have been inundated with all week.  My apologies in advance to Mr. Dewey Nielsen, his lovely Wife Mary and Mr. Robert Dos Remedios all of whom actually enjoy Tofu Buffalo Wings.)