Nort Jersey, Seal Team Six, and Fat Loss Pills (Part 3)

"I said – War! Huh Good God y’all, What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  Say it again"

Edwin Starr


"Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this...and totally redeem yourself"

Jeff Daniels from the movie Dumb and Dumber

I like movies a lot.  Hopefully if you are a loyal reader of this blog you have picked up on that.  I remember one of my favorite scenes in movie history is at the end of Animal House.  Right after the members of Delta House find out they have been expelled from school and kicked off campus, the following speech is made by Eric "Otter" Stratton (Played by Tim Matheson):

"Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!"

(If only the supplement industry was as much fun as these guys, maybe we would have something to laugh about.)

Well somebody over at MRI (another supplement company) must have been channeling the spirit of the Delta House when they came out with their product W.A.R.  It is an acronym which stands for Workout, Anabolic, Recovery.  Supposedly their product can "Target all three phases of muscular growth" and supposedly it can do this ..FAST!  

                                    (Seriously, this really does exist)


Now outside of eating lots of nutrient dense calories and working out really hard with weights for many YEARS, I can not think of any other way that you can target muscle growth.  Personally I can think of no more futile or stupid gesture on anybody's part than to say they have a product that would do such thing FAST.  Unless the makers of this supplement can go back to your birth and turn you into a genetic freak, there really is no way to build large amounts of muscle quickly, regardless of what you try to do. 

THESE GUY'S MAKE PROGRADE LOOK DOWNRIGHT SUBTLE

Now you already know what I think of the actions of a company like Prograde and their claims with their fat loss and longevity supplements.  If you don't please go back now and read my last blog post. 

What gets me is that there is a company out there that is so ridiculous in it's claims that it makes the people over at Prograde actually look downright subtle. 

In the initial promotion of their product the people over at MRI claim that with their product "You can finally get the optimal response to your workouts - and wage WAR on Recovery!"

And this is my first problem with the whole thing.  First off, and this goes to all supplement companies and meatheads out there, don't name your product or refer to your workouts as "War" or "A War". 

A bodybuilder dressed up in cut off shorts or wearing spandex and a tank top while doing his Legs workout is not at a state of War.

                (As scary as this is, it is certainly not the true face of War)

To imply otherwise, especially in an effort to feel cool about yourself or to sell supplements is downright insulting, insensitive and stupid.  What is next for these people? A diet product called "Famine".  I mean what other hellish aspect of human existence is not on the table for these guys?

Now listen, I understand it is just "Marketing" but personally I consider myself lucky before the eyes of God to have never had to have been permantly scarred by the reality of combat. Somebody might want to clue in the people over at MRI about that one.

(To the meatheads of the world and to the executives of MRI...this is what War really looks like. Take a good look)

Now the name is just a start.  I am sure you could defend the people over at MRI and say their intention was never to dishonor or minimize the sacrifices made by our men and women in uniform by comparing them to a bunch of inert powder in cool looking box.  And you know what, I would be fine with that.  A little sad about it but something I could definitely live with if not just ignore. 

Problem is that they don't just leave it at that.  They just had to "pimp" their product.  As we have already seen, when it comes to supplement industry "pimping" their products, nothing is off the table.  This is the content under the products "Science" section.  Their comments are in black, mine in red. 

"Introducing New Schisandrin-B Heat Shock Protein Activator"

More font, more yelling.  This guys have to cut back on their caffine and sugar consumption.  Either that or at least write in language people can understand.  I mean what the heck is Schisandrin-B Heat Shock Protein Activator?"

For decades, research scientists have sought to target the elusive Heat Shock Proteins (HSP). Why?

Because Cancer and Aids research just wasn't important enough?

HSPs “jolt” cells into hyper responsive mode. Cells suddenly react to stimuli at lightening velocity.

Lightening velocity?  Certainly that cannot mean that the 1.21 gigawatts of power produced by a bolt of lightening is contained in every serving of W.A.R !  Great Scott!

Cellular “activity” is thrust into warp speed.

Warp Speed!  Somebody call James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise!  Or at least get in contact with world renouned Cosmologist Stephen Hawking.  He has been wasting his life telling us that traveling at the speed of light is impossible.  Shows how smart he is.  The people at MRI have figured out not only how to bend the laws of physics but to develop bigger arms while doing so!

What does that mean for recovery? Everything!

More important than getting lots of sleep, eating lots of good food and managing stress?

With Schisandrin-B, HSPs “zap” the transcription factors (TF) that control protein synthesis into rapid acceleration.*

I have no idea what this means.

It's like going from 0 to 240 mph in five seconds - then maintaining that speed for 90 minutes. And that's just for starters.

What is this stuff made out of?  This sounds like somebody going on a cocaine bender. 

HSPs actually help convert more amino acids into real muscle fiber. In combination with its proprietary “muscle perfect” amino ratio, WAR helps create the ideal condition for muscle growth.

Now this is really where things get out of control.  How do you prove this?  And yet again how to do prove that WAR was the mitigating factor?  Scott Abel always talks about effects of training as if they are either influential or incidental  .  To his point most people start an exercise and diet regime while taking these supplements and then give the credit for their gains to the supplement itself when it really was just incidental to the outcome.  The workouts and the diet were what actually made the difference, they were what was influential.  Once again, will these guys say anything to make a buck?

In Conclusion

In conclusion, the whole point behind this three part blog was to bring to your attention the importance of professionalism and the high standards to which we hold those people we consider professionals.  I also wanted to show you how the supplement industry falls way short of those high standards.

The lesson to be taken out of this isn't that you should never supplement your diet.  As I quoted before from Scott Abel "The best workout and diet programs are those that make the workout and diet fit the individual, not the individual fit the workout and the diet".  So maybe, just maybe there might be somebody out there who could have some use for these products.  My feeling is that the number would be so small that all these companies would go out of business overnight.  My feeling also is that there are so many other more important mitigating factors as to why you are not reaching your fitness goals, that to take these supplements only distracts you from putting your energy and resources towards those means. 

What I take out of this as a fitness professional and a guy who lives a lean lifestyle is just one thing:

Compassion. 

Everyday I am confronted with well meaning but very misinformed people who want to know "What's the best product to take".  Then I look at their diet and exercise routine and I am stunned at why they don't get it. 

Also everyday I am confronted with overweight, beaten down and broken people who just can't face one more failed diet.  They say they have tried everything from those bull crap low calorie diet foods/snacks to some of the very supplements I listed in this blog. 

And you know what?  Sometimes I get really angry about it.  Not angry at the people who come to me because I can understand where they are coming from.  For them I have compassion.

Why?

Because when you turn to a professional you think you are getting the right advice for you.  Just like when you go to the doctor or the pharmacist and you don't think twice sometimes to confront what they say or even check the prescription label.  Granted there is a lesson in that one too but the point is this.   The fitness and supplement industry is filled with these unethical, ridiculous people who take the title professional and step all over it like the cast from the Broadway Show "Stomp!".

(Just imagine these guys are from your favorite late night fitness infomercial.  Now imagine that instead of the stage floor, underneath their feet are all your hopes, dreams and money)

They only difference between the fitness people and the cast from Broadway is the exercise people wear  poop covered boots while doing it just in the effort to make a buck.  No wonder people are so confused and fail so many times. 

So my final plea to everyone out there is this:

First, learn to love the body you already have. Not the one you wished you had or the one you will never be.   Exercise and a healthy diet are great.  They will make you feel better physically and mentally. But they do have limits, especially when you start them later in life.

Secondly, you are who you are, especially when it comes to your body type.  Now don't take that as an excuse if you are already overweight to go and demolish the McDonalds Dollar Menu.  The point is that based on your genetics some of you are more easily big while some of you are more easily skinny.  Very few of you are natural athletes, and most of the rest of us are somewhere in between.

The last thing I would hope that you would do is put your trust in some of these "Professionals" in the Fitness and Supplement industry.  They are only going to burn you with promises they can't keep.

But then again, what the hell do I know.

Yours in chocolate chip cookies.

Mike Cruickshank