What I Ate Today: Buffalo Wings, The Toilet and Diet Adherence

I’m growing old. Thirty Seven next month to be exact:

(That’s me.)

With age comes the loss of a lot of things. Like my hair and the ability to lift really heavy weights without crippling myself the next day. But the thing I miss most is my digestion:

(“Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive”. In this case I was trying to pull one over on my Duodenum. It would have none of that.)

So as of 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning I am keeping with the Holy Sabbath (which never made any sense to me since this is Sunday but so I digress) by giving just thanks and praise to God. In this case I am thanking him for creating double ply toilet paper and Norman Abramson:

(This is Norman Abramson, father of the modern day Wireless Router. You would think such a smart guy would have more books. Like have you ever noticed that whenever some bag of douche wants to convince you of how smart they are the decision is made to post on Facebook pictures of all the books they own? Really annoying stuff…)

(Here are all the books I own. But not really.)

Now through all this religious revelation I have come to one very important conclusion. I am very grateful for being allowed to “Grow Old”.

Not because life is a gift which we often times take for granted. No, I am grateful for being able to grow old because I can no longer eat Buffalo Wings more than once every few months.

Not to ramble or get off topic (like I usually do) the bottom line is I used to look at eating like it was some giant moralistic game of THE RIGHT FOODS vs. THE WRONG FOODS.

Now I just look at it as “If I eat that it will put me on the toilet for two days.”

(Damn you cheese fries!)

The cool thing is that with this new attitude comes a new found freedom.

When it comes to choosing the foods I eat ninety five percent of the time my decisions are now based on something more than morality and will power. Which is good because if all I got to keep my gut in check is a bunch of nutritional Bible Thumping than this modern world of brilliant billion dollar food marketing, taste science and calorie abundance will wind up eating me for breakfast.

(Let the reality set in people. That isn’t food. It’s marketing and chemistry that is so powerful they could put a piece of cat poop between those buns and most people would probably still eat it.)

I can say whole heartedly that I choose a diet of lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, healthy fats and portioned controlled carbohydrates not because it is something I feel I HAVE TO DO, I do it because it is something I WANT TO DO. The consequences for me go way beyond guilt because amongst other things (like spending all day in the bathroom) I simply do not think, function or feel the way that allows me to live the life I want to lead.

Definitely something to think about the next time you think that being lean in a not so lean world comes down to an ethics game.