Memorial Day, Hot Dog Buns and Being Unlikable

Hey Shank,

I know you talked about this subject last year but could you please help me out.  This weekend my family is having it’s annual Memorial Day Picnic and I have to deal with my Brother in Law “a.k.a Super Personal Trainer” Phil.  He is basically an unlovable version of George Constanza:

(Just remember when you go swimming this weekend…it probably wasn’t that big to begin with anyway.)  

When this pudgy bastard (kind of funny considering he is a trainer) isn’t going Paleo and telling me to ditch the bun, he is going Vegetarian and telling me to ditch the hot dog.  What gives?  Guys like this make Fitness so confusing.

Signed,

Al “Lighter” Fluid (Authors note:  I hope there is a Mets or Yankees fan out there that gets this.)

Dear Al,

Let me be brief with this one, given that it is really freaking hot outside today.

I don’t know this Putz you call a Brother in Law but I can tell you this.  If I was to write a book “How to NOT win friends and Influence People” I would title Chapter 1 “On Memorial Day, Give People Crap about this”:

(I see Blue and he looks Glorious…but seriously, that is one plate of AWESOME right there!)

And I would title Chapter 2 “When They Should be Remembering This”:

(Does this picture disturb you?  If it does then good because that means you have a soul.)

In all seriousness Big Al, if they ever change the law which made it illegal to punch somebody in the face the first people that should be beaten down are those who tell you to skip the bun or pimp Vegetarianism at a Memorial Day Picnic:

(I can hear the quote now “Well, if you took the time to study human biology like I have you would know that low carb diets have obvious advantages in that…POW!)

In closing your Brother in Law is a douche.  Whether you eat the Bun or Eat the Dog today is irrelevant.  It’s what you do the other 350 Days of the year that are not a holiday which really matter.  And when it comes to Phil tell him to mind his own business.  Or better yet tell him to take his opinionated ass over to the Wounded Warrior Website and make a donation:

Till next time,

Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies (and Hot Dog Buns)

Mike Cruickshank

(If she could have him back today, do you think she would be wasting time talking about how “Meat is Murder” or “Carbs are the Enemy”.  The answer is no.  She would be cherishing the finite time we have with those we love on this Earth.  That’s what days like today are all about.)