Hey Shank,
What the hell is up with you? It has been weeks since your last blog post!
Signed,
Holden Caulfield
(Stupid hat Holden. Really stupid hat.)
Dear Holden,
Thanks for your concern. I must admit that I always thought you were a really tall bag of self absorbed douche, but your concern for my writing career makes me think otherwise.
I appreciate it.
The reality is that something happened in my professional life that really got me down. Just like your creator, good old J.D. Salinger, I didn’t respond very well to the situation. Then again at least I didn’t move away to New Hampshire:
(New Hampshire. It really is a nice place to live. They even have a beach. It’s true. Check a map.)
I think the issue was I was unable to admit to myself how much the whole situation really bothered Me. Hence this Zombie like period of non creativity:
(I realize this movie was pretty terrible but the part where he delivers a pommel horse beat down to an entire village of zombie peasants is the definition of epic!)
The thing is, I have to learn to become more resilient and not let stuff get me down, or at least not let it get me down for so long. I mean for Christ Sake, there are people out there fighting for their lives, busy giving the middle finger to Cancer and I am sitting here in front of my keyboard complaining about having nothing to say:
(A lot of us out there need to work on this.)
One of the many problems with allowing your self to stay down is that you can sometimes miss out on celebrating with others some of the good things that are going on in life.
For example, while I was away our Buddy Bro-Ski (you remember the not so little guy who needed rawhides), well he got his 75lbs Pit Bull Butt ADOPTED!
(Don’t get me wrong, I am always over joyed when one of the dogs finds their forever home. I guess, like Red from Shawshank, I just miss my friend.)
And get this, my personal Physician Dr. Jerry Novack (who really isn’t a Physician, I just call him that) became an actual Doctor when he successfully defended his dissertation the end of this April!
(I realize that is Doctor Detroit and not Dr. Jerry Novack but since I didn’t know how cool Dr. Jerry was with me putting his picture up here this will have to suffice. Hell, it’s close enough.)
And on a sad note, we lost a great one with the passing away of Adam Yauch (a.k.a. MC Adam Yauch a.k.a. Nathaniel Hornblower) who lost his fight with Salivary Gland Cancer:
(Dear God, I believe in you and all but the fact you took Cochese but left us with Justin Bieber really makes me question whether or not you know what the hell you are doing up there. On the upside, a bunch of young kids, at least for a couple of weeks, got a chance to ask from the baby seat “Hey Mom/Dad, what the heck is it that you are singing up there? No sleep until where?”. The truth is this younger generation has no idea what it was like back when you had to actually fight for your right to party.)
So I now promise to all of you out there that I will do a better job. I will do a better job at not letting the chunks of corn in the shit sandwich we call life get stuck in my metaphorical teeth. Because you know when that happens I am essentially held down from helping you better digest the insanity we call the modern fitness industry.
(Pucker up boys and girls and grab your glass of milk because eventually we all have to take a big bite. The key is to just swallow it down as fast as you can so that you move on with your life.)
Till next time (which means very soon),
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies (actually it has been saltines and ginger ale since I am currently getting over a stomach virus),
Mike Cruickshank
(Coming up next I take on the wacky wild world of Protein Shakes! Sadly enough, this one kind of looks a lot like the turd sandwich above. Doesn’t it?)
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