Lucky Charms are now a health food?

Hey Shank,

Yesterday I was looking at my kid’s box of Lucky Charms and noticed it said made with Whole Grains. What gives? Are Lucky Charms now a health food?

Signed,
Mr. Confusion


Hi Mr. Confusion,

Love the notes you leave in my fortune cookies. Hope all is well with you.

Yes, Lucky Freaking Charms are now a health food! Think about how awesome that is! It would be like if somebody was able to come up with a high fiber cigarette.

Mistakenly, I was always under the impression that people ate things like Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp, and Coco Puffs because they were quick, convenient and tasted awesome. Turns out I was wrong. I guess you cannot underestimate the heart protective benefits of all that marshmallow and sugary goodness.

Unfortunately when reality sets in you begin to realize that the only active ingredient that makes those cereals health foods isn’t Whole Grains, it’s called Marketing.

(Magically delicious for sure. But as a health food? More like magically full of hype)


I actually know some really ripped bodybuilders who eat that stuff. The only difference is it usually occurs after they have been out drinking all night or during the off season when they are competing with other bodybuilders to see who can get the biggest and the fattest possible.

Personally, if I wasn’t being thrown by an overwhelming need to recapture my youth (which has been known to happen from time to time) I would kick that stuff to the curb. But then again I don’t have kids so what the hell do I know.

Yours in chocolate chip cookies,

Shank