(It must be her thyroid. One cool thing about living in America is you are always one Turkey Leg away from every day being Thanksgiving.)
Hey Shank,
I’m really scared. It’s Thanksgiving again and I don’t want to blow my diet.
The trainer at my gym recommended I get a really long workout in that morning to minimize the damage. He also said I should get the latest issue of Cooking Light magazine and look up some low fat recipes.
What do you think I should do?
Signed,
Stove Top Stuffing for Brains
(I Googled “Crazy Personal Trainer” and came up with this. I have no idea what to say. The dudes not even wearing his Vibrams.)
Dear Stove Top,
I go through a similar blog post like this one it seems every holiday season. Given the fact I keep receiving emails like yours I guess I better keep doing it. Either that or I should get myself a publicist.
The way I look at it there are two ways you can do something. You can either do it the right way or the wrong way.
Take for instance Breast Feeding. When done correctly Breast Feeding can be incredibly beneficial, resulting in possible improved immunity, IQ and bonding between mother and child.
But when done incorrectly you wind up with something like this:
(This too came up when I Googled “Crazy Personal Trainer”. Those folks at Google have one screwed up sense of humor.)
The same thing applies to holidays, especially Thanksgiving. Holidays are the time to enjoy life with Family and Friends. They are not a time to Aerobic-size and count your Deal a Meal Cards:
(Say what you want about this guy but I have a feeling he genuinely cares. Sure he’s a freak but then again so am I.)
If you want to work out because it makes you feel good then by all means do so. Just don’t do it because you feel it’s going to result in some type of caloric deficit “New Math”.
(Get yourself one of these, the calculator watch and not the hairy forearm mind you, and quickly realize that there is little or no chance that the average person will ever be able to out run a bad diet. Believe me I tried. Those Hot Fudge Sundaes are fast!)
Let’s put it this way. I think you and your trainers priorities are screwed up. If you want to watch your weight then worry about the other three hundred and fifty plus days of the year that are not holidays:
(This is France. They love their holidays and yet are much thinner than us. Translation: Even the French don’t have enough holidays to justify being overweight.)
What I recommend instead is to cherish every moment, every spoonful of turkey, gravy, biscuits, mashed potatoes,stuffing, pie and even that nasty ass cranberry sauce in a can:
(Come on man!)
And thank god that you have a chance to spend one more great day with those you love because there are a lot of people out there who don’t. The last thing I think they regretted is that their Thanksgiving creamed corn wasn’t low cal enough.
Till next time,
Yours in Chocolate Chip Cookies,
Mike Cruickshank
(During his physical prime even Arnold came up for air from time to time and enjoyed some fried chicken)
(He also smoked lots of weed but think that was only so he could eat more fried chicken.)
